I am no butterfly!


It is impossible to read anything about SLE without coming across a butterfly or wolf.

The former comes into the picture because of the butterfly rash some SLE sufferers experience on their face (a sign which has never manifested itself on yours truly).  The latter, Wolf…..Lupus…..get the link?  Well, the name has been attributed to the disease when they thought that the discoid rash was actually a Wolf’s bite.  Today we know otherwise.

Being affected by SLE allows one a choice, to be either butterfly or wolf.  Well, if I had a choice I’d be neither.  Thinking about it, I am no butterfly, but Wolf?  I might have a choice!

I am not The Wolf, but I live with one!  Every day is a new day……for you, for me….and for the Wolf.  Sometimes getting out of bed takes more effort.  Occasionally that’s even too much to ask for at 5.30am, so I just swallow a couple of Fuckitall 1000mgs, call in sick and stay in bed, warm, nearly pain free…..unless my son is in bed and he kicks me in the flanks!  🙂  The majority of days I get out of bed, straighten up (even after a couple of trips to and from the kitchen), kick the Wolf twice in the butt and go.

  I get the bus and sit on the side with a view of the mountains and the lake.  I choose not to sit on the side facing where yesterday there was a bushfire which destroyed the scenery, the gloomy dark side.  I often think about how and why do I not choose to stay in bed on most days.  First of all I need to make a living and sickness leave is a ‘finite resource’ but, that’s not just it.  Maybe I’m one of those who are not so severely debilitated by fatigue and pain?……..or maybe everyday, now more than ever, I decide to appreciate:

  • My family and those close for whom an extra effort is worthwhile even when the rabid Wolf bites back (shouldn’t have kicked it!!)
  • The love I am so lucky to experience everyday, just like the bank account of a very successful businessman…..so many deposits and very few withdrawals.

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring…
And love is not the easy thing…
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can’t leave behind

  • The work I do and the satisfaction it gives me, the challenges that crop up and the learning curve which ensues with each of them.  My colleagues, most of which are so supportive, daily.

But, I might have even cultivated the stubborn trait which I probably inherited.  This feeds  the ‘I-am-mine-and-I-decide:Wolf-not-today’ attitude.  Think about it, this stubbornness of mine, the mule inside!  So I am no Butterfly but probably a Mule with Wolf traits.  A Wule or Molf, you choose!

So I quoted the song, now I link to it.  The great U2.  Walk on.

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